Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So squirting runs in the family.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
