I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
