Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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