So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
