How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
