Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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