we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
