Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
