If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
