Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
