I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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