i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
