He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
