you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Drunk is not a location!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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