there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
