Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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