It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
