That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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