the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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