I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
