dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
