You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
