Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just pynch a tree in the face
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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