Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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