She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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