I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
