Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
