It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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