i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
