Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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