Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
