Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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