guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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