we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
