Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
