We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
