Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
