So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
