he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
