You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
