I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
