So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
