You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
