who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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