I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
