just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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