woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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