why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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