my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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