i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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