I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
