Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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